Because their words had forked no lightning...

Dear Blog,

I must apologize for having neglected you the past couple weeks. Sometimes my thoughts get all jumbled up together and I have a hard time paying attention to any of them long enough to make sense of them. I then go into "survival mode" and just try and get through the operations of each day the best I can, without any energy or will to decompress at the end of it all.

Lyall is gone, it's always hard when he goes and it always kind of zaps a little energy from my soul and takes a bit of time to recover. Getting over that little bit of heartbreak kept me from you as well dear blog.

My mind has been blown by a lot of new philosophy lately, and its still marinating for the time being. A lot of it has to do with acceptance, judgment, and freedom.

I have recently begun babysitting one of my favorite human beings, Lucy Frances DesRochers (who at the tiny age of 2 already has her own blog chronicling her adventures and her artwork). She is a fantastic and unique child, but she has the very common childhood habit of abhorring the idea of taking a nap. The poor child screamed like someone was murdering her for 3 minutes before falling asleep the other day. I couldn't help but think, "If someone were begging me to go to sleep, I would have absolutely NO problem with it." And then I thought about it and realized, though the wailing is rather traumatizing to listen to, there is something so wonderful about the railing against missing a single second of consciousness, the need to rage rage against the dying of the light.

And what a powerful message that is. I know the poem by Dylan Thomas refers to death, but if we view every moment of life as its own being, the meaning of light changes. With every moment of consciousness we have the ability to sink into darkness, to allow our light to dwindle or extinguish. Do we actually get more tired with age, or do we just accept darkness more readily?

Choose light, choose life, choose consciousness. It's so simple, yet so hard to actually achieve. I guess the point is that we try though, right?

At any rate, Blog, I promise to not neglect you anymore. Seems like in the next few months I will have lots to think about and write about and I think you're worth sharing it with.

Yours,
April