In his book The Inner Tradition of Yoga, Michael Stone discusses how yoga is the tool by which we are attempting to find equilibrium in our imbalanced selves while existing in a world inherently out of balance. Since starting my yoga teacher training I have certainly begun to find more balance, but I have not been so focused on the whole "world out of balance" part. I continue on my quest to develop my most balanced self, but I am reminded today to remember the rest of the framework in which I live. I have been studying dutifully how to expand the universe of me, but I now have to ask myself "In relation to what?"
Today the imbalance of the world was demonstrated by the hundreds of people who died in a stampede in Cambodia. I cannot think of a more gruesome and eye-opening example of the destructive capabilities of mankind. Hundreds of people were trampled to death by the feet of neighbors and peers. Feet that once danced, feet that dug themselves into wet sand, feet that tiptoed past the doors of sleeping children took lives with manic and thoughtless steps. We have spent centuries evolving our war weapons, but all of it is completely unnecessary; we do not require any tools beyond our own limbs.
Nobody knows what started the stampede.
--------------
So, to this context of consciousness called 'life': I see you, and recognize you, and thank you for everything you are. As you continue to expand and change, so will I. I can leave the footprints, but I can't create the soil - I need you for that.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
If you judge, investigate.
Far Away.
I have said it before: if we abolish the idea that such a place exists, we could end war, inequality, and hatred. But the story which makes me revisit this theory has little to do with physical place. What if this also applies to the quality of our minds?
In this article the lamentable stories are told of mentally ill Chinese citizens and the victims of their violent crimes. Many of the cases are those of untreated or ignored schizophrenia resulting in violent acts against children and the elderly. In the case of Yang Jiaqin, he has received only one month of treatment in the past five years despite obvious signs of schizophrenia. It should not have been surprising when he took a butcher knife and roamed around his home village slashing anyone he came across, including a group of children coming home from school and an elderly couple chopping wood.
It is so easy to make space between ourselves and these instances. In fact, it is our instinct to do so in order that we be able to continue on our way without being damaged. If we absorbed every terrible thing we came across we would all suffer from severe and constant heartbreak. In order to even survive reading articles like this, we must create a little air between ourselves and traumatic events described. However, if we carry this to excess then we enter the realm of judgment and the assumption that such things could never happen to us. So is this the key to curing the mind of judgment?
Winston Churchill said "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." If we embrace our inner swine, then it will never have to prove to us that it exists. Accepting that insanity, misbehavior, and ignorance are right around the corner levels the playing field between ourselves and the recipients of our scrutiny.
Haha, I feel like I go through all this work to arrive at very obvious conclusions. I suppose that's part of the reality of definitions existing before words.
I have said it before: if we abolish the idea that such a place exists, we could end war, inequality, and hatred. But the story which makes me revisit this theory has little to do with physical place. What if this also applies to the quality of our minds?
In this article the lamentable stories are told of mentally ill Chinese citizens and the victims of their violent crimes. Many of the cases are those of untreated or ignored schizophrenia resulting in violent acts against children and the elderly. In the case of Yang Jiaqin, he has received only one month of treatment in the past five years despite obvious signs of schizophrenia. It should not have been surprising when he took a butcher knife and roamed around his home village slashing anyone he came across, including a group of children coming home from school and an elderly couple chopping wood.
It is so easy to make space between ourselves and these instances. In fact, it is our instinct to do so in order that we be able to continue on our way without being damaged. If we absorbed every terrible thing we came across we would all suffer from severe and constant heartbreak. In order to even survive reading articles like this, we must create a little air between ourselves and traumatic events described. However, if we carry this to excess then we enter the realm of judgment and the assumption that such things could never happen to us. So is this the key to curing the mind of judgment?
Winston Churchill said "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." If we embrace our inner swine, then it will never have to prove to us that it exists. Accepting that insanity, misbehavior, and ignorance are right around the corner levels the playing field between ourselves and the recipients of our scrutiny.
Haha, I feel like I go through all this work to arrive at very obvious conclusions. I suppose that's part of the reality of definitions existing before words.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Autumn Makes Me Sing
"Change is a measure of time and, in the autumn, time seems speeded up. What was is not, and never again will be; what is is change." -Edwin Way Teale
Autumn has always felt very enchanting to me. I die for all things pumpkin flavored, I love deep saturated colors like maroon and teal, and I never met a scarf I didn't like. As a child I loved taking walks with my mother and picking up acorns (I picked up 100 of them for a project in kindergarten) and big fallen leaves, though few of them actually change color in my hometown of Houston. The sun always seems to multiply in size and adopt a slightly more orange hue, as if to mirror the jack-o-lanterns grimacing on our stoops. And let's not forget the harvest moon, who knowingly glows over the winds of change and falling leaves. She makes her life out of change and she gently attempts to shed light for we who do not accept transition quite as gracefully.
Perhaps it is the new chill in the air, maybe it is the dichotomy of our surfeited pantries against the barren tree limbs, or it could be the ominous threat of the inevitable winter, but there is something uniquely nostalgic and tender about this season. We are faced with having to simultaneously accept ends and beginnings, whether or not we are ready.
How befitting that this is the season in which we celebrate Halloween! It makes perfect sense that this would be the season during which we would fear the return of dead spirits. Whether or not you believe in the afterlife, I'll bet you experience the ghosts of your memories in the fall. I find it both intriguing and wonderful that we come to terms with the heartache of change by adopting a new identity altogether. Theatre comes from ancient rituals that involve the worshipers becoming possessed by the spirits around them. Anyone who has been alone in an empty theatre knows how haunted it feels - the spirits of all the characters who have ever lived in that space are still there, waiting to be realized once again through the body of a performer. Ask your actor friends, and if they are anything like me then they will tell you that characters stay with them for a while after a show has closed. The autumn is like this on a larger scale. We are changing, like it or not, with the leaves and the winds and the earth - for better or worse is always yet to be seen.
Now all I want to do is watch Chocolat.
Autumn has always felt very enchanting to me. I die for all things pumpkin flavored, I love deep saturated colors like maroon and teal, and I never met a scarf I didn't like. As a child I loved taking walks with my mother and picking up acorns (I picked up 100 of them for a project in kindergarten) and big fallen leaves, though few of them actually change color in my hometown of Houston. The sun always seems to multiply in size and adopt a slightly more orange hue, as if to mirror the jack-o-lanterns grimacing on our stoops. And let's not forget the harvest moon, who knowingly glows over the winds of change and falling leaves. She makes her life out of change and she gently attempts to shed light for we who do not accept transition quite as gracefully.
Perhaps it is the new chill in the air, maybe it is the dichotomy of our surfeited pantries against the barren tree limbs, or it could be the ominous threat of the inevitable winter, but there is something uniquely nostalgic and tender about this season. We are faced with having to simultaneously accept ends and beginnings, whether or not we are ready.
How befitting that this is the season in which we celebrate Halloween! It makes perfect sense that this would be the season during which we would fear the return of dead spirits. Whether or not you believe in the afterlife, I'll bet you experience the ghosts of your memories in the fall. I find it both intriguing and wonderful that we come to terms with the heartache of change by adopting a new identity altogether. Theatre comes from ancient rituals that involve the worshipers becoming possessed by the spirits around them. Anyone who has been alone in an empty theatre knows how haunted it feels - the spirits of all the characters who have ever lived in that space are still there, waiting to be realized once again through the body of a performer. Ask your actor friends, and if they are anything like me then they will tell you that characters stay with them for a while after a show has closed. The autumn is like this on a larger scale. We are changing, like it or not, with the leaves and the winds and the earth - for better or worse is always yet to be seen.
Now all I want to do is watch Chocolat.
Monday, October 25, 2010
"Gold's father is dirt, yet it regards itself as noble."
So all my horoscopes lately keep talking about words and how now is a good time for me to amp up my verbal communications. The only thing is....I have to have something to say first!
In my yoga teacher training one of our teachers has a habit of asking us questions like "Is yoga a technique or a skill?" or "Are we becoming stronger or more powerful?" The first day we had him I felt intimidated by him, and jarred by the starkness of his questions and his penetrating stare which would relent only after one of us choked out an answer (which usually sounded more like a question). However, after four classes in a row with him I have become very fond of this pedagogical approach. Why? Because it forces us to put words to the ideas we felt we were drowning in. Also, because we felt lost, we were then able to feel found. This makes sense coming from a man who constantly discusses the idea of a "Language of Opposites." It also made me trust him because he led us somewhere very specific and concrete after what seemed like an eternity of trick questions and abstract concepts.
So that's an interesting way to live, no? And what an amazing amount of faith it takes! To be comfortable being lost, believing that one day you will arrive at a clearing in the woods, to have complete credence that someone is leading you, despite your ignorance as to where. Of course this cannot be the only principle by which one lives if they hope to accomplish certain goals, but in the times when I feel like I'm metaphorically running in circles while wearing heels and tripping over road blocks after I've already run the wrong way into a dangerous neighborhood in the middle of the night without my cellphone or any money....it's nice to think there's a pot of gold waiting somewhere (PS - I've noticed the pots of gold rarely tend to wait on the other side of something as lovely as a rainbow, but more like on the other side of a tight rope suspended over a pit of angry alligators).
My acting mentor often says "Invite disaster!" I'm not sure it needs an invitation, but like a good hostess, I will always be ready to entertain it.
In my yoga teacher training one of our teachers has a habit of asking us questions like "Is yoga a technique or a skill?" or "Are we becoming stronger or more powerful?" The first day we had him I felt intimidated by him, and jarred by the starkness of his questions and his penetrating stare which would relent only after one of us choked out an answer (which usually sounded more like a question). However, after four classes in a row with him I have become very fond of this pedagogical approach. Why? Because it forces us to put words to the ideas we felt we were drowning in. Also, because we felt lost, we were then able to feel found. This makes sense coming from a man who constantly discusses the idea of a "Language of Opposites." It also made me trust him because he led us somewhere very specific and concrete after what seemed like an eternity of trick questions and abstract concepts.
So that's an interesting way to live, no? And what an amazing amount of faith it takes! To be comfortable being lost, believing that one day you will arrive at a clearing in the woods, to have complete credence that someone is leading you, despite your ignorance as to where. Of course this cannot be the only principle by which one lives if they hope to accomplish certain goals, but in the times when I feel like I'm metaphorically running in circles while wearing heels and tripping over road blocks after I've already run the wrong way into a dangerous neighborhood in the middle of the night without my cellphone or any money....it's nice to think there's a pot of gold waiting somewhere (PS - I've noticed the pots of gold rarely tend to wait on the other side of something as lovely as a rainbow, but more like on the other side of a tight rope suspended over a pit of angry alligators).
My acting mentor often says "Invite disaster!" I'm not sure it needs an invitation, but like a good hostess, I will always be ready to entertain it.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Representation
So it is election time, which has me thinking a lot about how we choose to represent ourselves. If anybody has the job of representing more people than they possibly ever could, it has to be the leader of a nation.
President Obama won many of us over because we felt that he could represent more of us than his predecessors and competitors. This may be true, but of course there will always be those who feel that they are not being emblamatized well or even at all. Right now the Sikh community in America is urging President Obama to reconsider his decision to cancel a trip to the Golden Temple in Amritsar, India. The president made his decision after questions were raised about how he would cover his head when entering the center. He has spent years trying to disassociate himself from being representative of Muslims and the mere thought of images circulating of him with his head covered was probably enough to give his advisors heart attacks. (Sikhs are not Muslim by the way, but rather practice a faith which draws from Hindu and Islamic beliefs)
I think I still have Genet on the brain.
President Obama won many of us over because we felt that he could represent more of us than his predecessors and competitors. This may be true, but of course there will always be those who feel that they are not being emblamatized well or even at all. Right now the Sikh community in America is urging President Obama to reconsider his decision to cancel a trip to the Golden Temple in Amritsar, India. The president made his decision after questions were raised about how he would cover his head when entering the center. He has spent years trying to disassociate himself from being representative of Muslims and the mere thought of images circulating of him with his head covered was probably enough to give his advisors heart attacks. (Sikhs are not Muslim by the way, but rather practice a faith which draws from Hindu and Islamic beliefs)
Lying crumpled on a table, a piece of cloth has no meaning. But swaddle a baby in it, put a picnic on top of it, drape it over a piece of artwork, a bed, or a table, wrap it around your head...and suddenly the cloth takes on meaning. After performing any of these functions, the cloth is still the cloth. It is you that has changed. I think this is beautiful, but at the same time we have to be careful of situations like this. Why does a piece of cloth have the power to change a person's mind? Whatever power we give to an object, it still has the possibility of being nothing more than the piece of crumpled cloth.
Matters of state aside, we represent one another in very personal ways. Whether we mean to or not, we represent our families, our teachers, our mentors, our bosses, our hometowns, our choices; in fact, we ourselves are representations of every moment that has ever come before. I certainly know that I tear up any time one of my parents or mentors looks at me and tells me "I am so proud of you." They have done so much right by me, and it makes me extremely happy to know that they feel I am doing the same for them. In this way we represent one another.I think I still have Genet on the brain.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Poor Lonely Blog
Dear Blog,
Again I have to apologize for neglecting you. This is so typically me - I get really excited about something...then it fizzles out. Blog, I started you because I felt that I wasn't using my mind enough, and you helped me stay opinionated and articulate. Thanks! It just turns out that over the past month or so I've had PLENTY going on to keep my mind busy.
I've been working on a project with a director I really love, and who also happens to be absolutely out of her mind. Her plan is to have 4 installments of "open rehearsals" throughout a year of her interpretation of Jean Genet's The Maids. I love Genet and love this play and have been helping her do research for a few months now. This 1st installment is turning out to be more of an art instillation than a theatre piece, and I love it. I'm having a hard time letting go though...I mean I know this is meant to be a rehearsal, and completely imperfect in nature, but the performer in me just hates that. I suppose I'll just have to stay in the moment with it. After the 4 installments she will either use our exploration to create a finished piece or she will use it as research for a staging of the complete text, or maybe she won't do anything with it at all. Who knows!
My lovely blog, I am also starting my yoga teacher training program this upcoming weekend, and I am VERY excited about it! I found out that the director of the program is actually from Port Washington, where I used to live, and that we share Lisa Bondy from Om Sweet Om as our most influential yoga teacher! She is also a performer and studied Suzuki and Viewpoints with the Siti Company for 3 years. It really is a small world!
I will have to be doing written assignments for my training, and I will try and put all of those assignments up here. I'll spare you any that I think are either poorly written or boring.
Talk to you later!
April
Again I have to apologize for neglecting you. This is so typically me - I get really excited about something...then it fizzles out. Blog, I started you because I felt that I wasn't using my mind enough, and you helped me stay opinionated and articulate. Thanks! It just turns out that over the past month or so I've had PLENTY going on to keep my mind busy.
I've been working on a project with a director I really love, and who also happens to be absolutely out of her mind. Her plan is to have 4 installments of "open rehearsals" throughout a year of her interpretation of Jean Genet's The Maids. I love Genet and love this play and have been helping her do research for a few months now. This 1st installment is turning out to be more of an art instillation than a theatre piece, and I love it. I'm having a hard time letting go though...I mean I know this is meant to be a rehearsal, and completely imperfect in nature, but the performer in me just hates that. I suppose I'll just have to stay in the moment with it. After the 4 installments she will either use our exploration to create a finished piece or she will use it as research for a staging of the complete text, or maybe she won't do anything with it at all. Who knows!
My lovely blog, I am also starting my yoga teacher training program this upcoming weekend, and I am VERY excited about it! I found out that the director of the program is actually from Port Washington, where I used to live, and that we share Lisa Bondy from Om Sweet Om as our most influential yoga teacher! She is also a performer and studied Suzuki and Viewpoints with the Siti Company for 3 years. It really is a small world!
I will have to be doing written assignments for my training, and I will try and put all of those assignments up here. I'll spare you any that I think are either poorly written or boring.
Talk to you later!
April
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Unsex me here
I am fascinated by this article which I read the other morning. From reading it I learned that it is extremely common in Afghanistan for parents to dress their little girls as boys. They do this for any number of reasons - to increase social status, to have another family member who can work, to have help running errands. It is extremely interesting, educational, and comes with pictures! Everybody should read it.
In Afghanistan it is shameful and neighbors pity you if you have only daughters. It is also thought that women can control what gender their baby is going to be - thus putting the mothers in danger of abuse after giving birth to girls. It seems also that the women who have a history of dressing as boys in their youth are the women who are able to make large career steps. For instance, a female member of Parliament dressed as a boy until it was time for her to marry. She and her husband had their third daughter do the same. They asked her, "Do you want to bicycle and swim and do all the things boys do? Do you want to be like Daddy?" The little girl did not hesitate to say "Yes!"
I feel like I should be outright disgusted and outraged by the cross-dressing phenomen which seems to have swept Afghanistan, but I find it amazing. The origin of the tradition makes complete sense to me, but it is so far outside my world experience that I would never even think of it happening. My impression of women cross-dressing out of desperation is that it happens in fictional stories which deal with how "backwards" things were a long time ago. Think Mulan or the Shakespearean heroines Viola in The Twelfth Night or Rosalind in As You Like It. It would never occur to me that a woman today would have to dress as a man to acheive anything...gender is not something I consider when I contemplate my own successes or failures.
In Afghanistan it is shameful and neighbors pity you if you have only daughters. It is also thought that women can control what gender their baby is going to be - thus putting the mothers in danger of abuse after giving birth to girls. It seems also that the women who have a history of dressing as boys in their youth are the women who are able to make large career steps. For instance, a female member of Parliament dressed as a boy until it was time for her to marry. She and her husband had their third daughter do the same. They asked her, "Do you want to bicycle and swim and do all the things boys do? Do you want to be like Daddy?" The little girl did not hesitate to say "Yes!"
I feel like I should be outright disgusted and outraged by the cross-dressing phenomen which seems to have swept Afghanistan, but I find it amazing. The origin of the tradition makes complete sense to me, but it is so far outside my world experience that I would never even think of it happening. My impression of women cross-dressing out of desperation is that it happens in fictional stories which deal with how "backwards" things were a long time ago. Think Mulan or the Shakespearean heroines Viola in The Twelfth Night or Rosalind in As You Like It. It would never occur to me that a woman today would have to dress as a man to acheive anything...gender is not something I consider when I contemplate my own successes or failures.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
"Gratitude is the memory of the heart"
I love reading the news and knowing what is going on in the big wide world, but a lot of the time I find myself being very grateful that I'm me and not the people in whatever article I'm reading (however condescending that may sound). I'm not sure how to reconcile the joy of the world with all of the terrible tragedy that befalls some of us. There are so many victims of hatred: those abused by church figures, war victims, citizens wrongly imprisoned. Yogic philosophy would remind me that the light cannot exist without the darkness and that truly it is all one in the same anyway, but my undeveloped mind can't quite wrap itself around that just yet.
Today I find myself being extremely grateful for several things. Namely:
-Having had a happy childhood free of abuse, knowledge of war, hunger, and lonliness
-Having never been accused of a crime I did not commit (on a large or small scale)
-Having a life which allows me to be educated, joyous, and (relatively) calm
-Having a healthy body
Today I find myself being extremely grateful for several things. Namely:
-Having had a happy childhood free of abuse, knowledge of war, hunger, and lonliness
-Having never been accused of a crime I did not commit (on a large or small scale)
-Having a life which allows me to be educated, joyous, and (relatively) calm
-Having a healthy body
Monday, September 13, 2010
Because their words had forked no lightning...
Dear Blog,
I must apologize for having neglected you the past couple weeks. Sometimes my thoughts get all jumbled up together and I have a hard time paying attention to any of them long enough to make sense of them. I then go into "survival mode" and just try and get through the operations of each day the best I can, without any energy or will to decompress at the end of it all.
Lyall is gone, it's always hard when he goes and it always kind of zaps a little energy from my soul and takes a bit of time to recover. Getting over that little bit of heartbreak kept me from you as well dear blog.
My mind has been blown by a lot of new philosophy lately, and its still marinating for the time being. A lot of it has to do with acceptance, judgment, and freedom.
I have recently begun babysitting one of my favorite human beings, Lucy Frances DesRochers (who at the tiny age of 2 already has her own blog chronicling her adventures and her artwork). She is a fantastic and unique child, but she has the very common childhood habit of abhorring the idea of taking a nap. The poor child screamed like someone was murdering her for 3 minutes before falling asleep the other day. I couldn't help but think, "If someone were begging me to go to sleep, I would have absolutely NO problem with it." And then I thought about it and realized, though the wailing is rather traumatizing to listen to, there is something so wonderful about the railing against missing a single second of consciousness, the need to rage rage against the dying of the light.
And what a powerful message that is. I know the poem by Dylan Thomas refers to death, but if we view every moment of life as its own being, the meaning of light changes. With every moment of consciousness we have the ability to sink into darkness, to allow our light to dwindle or extinguish. Do we actually get more tired with age, or do we just accept darkness more readily?
Choose light, choose life, choose consciousness. It's so simple, yet so hard to actually achieve. I guess the point is that we try though, right?
At any rate, Blog, I promise to not neglect you anymore. Seems like in the next few months I will have lots to think about and write about and I think you're worth sharing it with.
Yours,
April
I must apologize for having neglected you the past couple weeks. Sometimes my thoughts get all jumbled up together and I have a hard time paying attention to any of them long enough to make sense of them. I then go into "survival mode" and just try and get through the operations of each day the best I can, without any energy or will to decompress at the end of it all.
Lyall is gone, it's always hard when he goes and it always kind of zaps a little energy from my soul and takes a bit of time to recover. Getting over that little bit of heartbreak kept me from you as well dear blog.
My mind has been blown by a lot of new philosophy lately, and its still marinating for the time being. A lot of it has to do with acceptance, judgment, and freedom.
I have recently begun babysitting one of my favorite human beings, Lucy Frances DesRochers (who at the tiny age of 2 already has her own blog chronicling her adventures and her artwork). She is a fantastic and unique child, but she has the very common childhood habit of abhorring the idea of taking a nap. The poor child screamed like someone was murdering her for 3 minutes before falling asleep the other day. I couldn't help but think, "If someone were begging me to go to sleep, I would have absolutely NO problem with it." And then I thought about it and realized, though the wailing is rather traumatizing to listen to, there is something so wonderful about the railing against missing a single second of consciousness, the need to rage rage against the dying of the light.
And what a powerful message that is. I know the poem by Dylan Thomas refers to death, but if we view every moment of life as its own being, the meaning of light changes. With every moment of consciousness we have the ability to sink into darkness, to allow our light to dwindle or extinguish. Do we actually get more tired with age, or do we just accept darkness more readily?
Choose light, choose life, choose consciousness. It's so simple, yet so hard to actually achieve. I guess the point is that we try though, right?
At any rate, Blog, I promise to not neglect you anymore. Seems like in the next few months I will have lots to think about and write about and I think you're worth sharing it with.
Yours,
April
Friday, August 27, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
44%
So I saw this on my friend Ashley's blog and was surprised at how much I've done - and at all the things I definitely could've done and haven't.
I know that my blog is filled with a lot of criticisms, but I love the world and being alive in it. There is so much to see and know, and though I have no idea why having done any of the things in bold above could possibly be important, they just are. I don't know ultimately why it is important that anyone acheive anything, but I do know that people are proud of themselves when they do.
At first after doing this I thought "I've only done 44% of these things." (Immediately I always go to the very Virgoan place of needing to efficiently complete lists and tasks.) Then I thought, well hang on April, you know there are tons of things you have done that aren't even on this list.
No matter what percentage of items you have completed on any given list, you have always lived 100% of your life. Cool.
Bold what you have done:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a
28. Ridden in a gondola in
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in
74. Toured the
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the
80. Published a book
81. Visited the
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day
I know that my blog is filled with a lot of criticisms, but I love the world and being alive in it. There is so much to see and know, and though I have no idea why having done any of the things in bold above could possibly be important, they just are. I don't know ultimately why it is important that anyone acheive anything, but I do know that people are proud of themselves when they do.
At first after doing this I thought "I've only done 44% of these things." (Immediately I always go to the very Virgoan place of needing to efficiently complete lists and tasks.) Then I thought, well hang on April, you know there are tons of things you have done that aren't even on this list.
No matter what percentage of items you have completed on any given list, you have always lived 100% of your life. Cool.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Lying, Stealing, Blasphemy OH MY!
Several months ago I was sitting outside a theatre waiting to head into rehearsal. A young woman (W) about my own age approached me (A) and we had a very interesting exchage:
W: Do you mind if I ask you a question?
A: (knowing this was going somewhere fishy) Sure.
W: Are you a good person?
A: Yes, I would say so.
W: Ok, so let me ask you a few questions to see if you are a good person in the eyes of God.
A: (uh-oh) umm..
W: Have you ever told a lie?
A: Yes.
Why must we always view any other culture (or subculture as it were) as an assault to our "American-ness?" Why is something different always viewed as an aggressor and have to be offensive to us? Is it not possible to view this is a gesture of peace and unity after a horrible event? To me it would be a vastly progressive and beautiful statement to have them build this community center closeby to prove their peaceful intent. Let's get one thing perfectly clear: Muslims did not commit the horrible crimes of 9/11, terrorists did. Are all Christians members of the Nazi Party or the KKK? Exactly.
This "guilty by association" attitude toward Muslims has got to stop; it is tired, outdated, stale, and nothing beneficial is growing from it. Yes, it has been my experience that many Muslim people find Islam superior to other beliefs and do everything in their power to educate others on their faith. Yes, it has been my experience that for many Muslims dedicated worship is the main reason to exist. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that Islamic states have not taken violent action in order to propegate their own beliefs, but does anybody remember that little event in history called "The Crusades?"
I know that many people, including people in my own family, would read this post and call me "Un-American." I would like to remind these people of a little holiday we invented called Thanksgiving. This is when we celebrate two specific events: the escape from leaders which would not allow religious freedom, and the feast in which we solidified friendship with the native people of America. We all know how things went down after that, but none-the-less we gather each year to celebrate our gratitude for acceptance, tolerance, and the value of friends both new and old.
We have all, as individuals and nations, been guilty of hatred and judgment of others. But I cannot believe that perpetuating it is the way to win anything. Perhaps my peer in the hallway only saw a "lying, theiving blasphemer" when she looked at me. Maybe I am those things, but that's not ALL I am, and I refuse to assume others are ever ALL I see them for.
If we could just accept our own ignorance we might finally get somewhere.
W: Do you mind if I ask you a question?
A: (knowing this was going somewhere fishy) Sure.
W: Are you a good person?
A: Yes, I would say so.
W: Ok, so let me ask you a few questions to see if you are a good person in the eyes of God.
A: (uh-oh) umm..
W: Have you ever told a lie?
A: Yes.
W: What do we call a person who lies?
A: Human.
W: (a little dumbfounded) Oh well, umm, not exactly. We have a word to describe someone who lies.
A: I think the word you're looking for is "liar," but I don't think things are quite so black and white.
W: Have you ever stolen anything?
A: Yes.
W: What do we call a person who steals?
A: A thief.
W: Have you ever taken the Lord's name in vain?
A: Yes.W: We call this blasphemy.
A: Right.
W: So by your own admission you are a lying, thieving, blasphemer.
A: (a little baffled by her gall) Well that's a very limited view of a person.
W: God doesn't want you to be a sinner, he wants to forgive you. Here is a pamphlet of our church group...
A: You know, I think it is really great that you believe enough in something to go out and try and tell other people about it. That takes a lot of courage and dedication. A lot of people are really lost and have no beliefs at all. But I don't feel lost, and I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on our religious beliefs.
W: Well thank you for your time. I'll keep you in my prayers.
A: How kind of you.
She went on to try and convert more heathens and I went to rehearsal where I lied about my identity, stole the words of someone else, and committed blasphemy at least against Chekhov if not God too.
---------------------------------------------------
It is impossible to open a newspaper or turn on a news program and not see something about the plans for the Muslim Community Center in the works two blocks from Ground Zero. To make my opinion perfectly clear: I find opposition to these plans to be ridiculous, narrow-sighted, and down-right prejudiced.Why must we always view any other culture (or subculture as it were) as an assault to our "American-ness?" Why is something different always viewed as an aggressor and have to be offensive to us? Is it not possible to view this is a gesture of peace and unity after a horrible event? To me it would be a vastly progressive and beautiful statement to have them build this community center closeby to prove their peaceful intent. Let's get one thing perfectly clear: Muslims did not commit the horrible crimes of 9/11, terrorists did. Are all Christians members of the Nazi Party or the KKK? Exactly.
This "guilty by association" attitude toward Muslims has got to stop; it is tired, outdated, stale, and nothing beneficial is growing from it. Yes, it has been my experience that many Muslim people find Islam superior to other beliefs and do everything in their power to educate others on their faith. Yes, it has been my experience that for many Muslims dedicated worship is the main reason to exist. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that Islamic states have not taken violent action in order to propegate their own beliefs, but does anybody remember that little event in history called "The Crusades?"
I know that many people, including people in my own family, would read this post and call me "Un-American." I would like to remind these people of a little holiday we invented called Thanksgiving. This is when we celebrate two specific events: the escape from leaders which would not allow religious freedom, and the feast in which we solidified friendship with the native people of America. We all know how things went down after that, but none-the-less we gather each year to celebrate our gratitude for acceptance, tolerance, and the value of friends both new and old.
We have all, as individuals and nations, been guilty of hatred and judgment of others. But I cannot believe that perpetuating it is the way to win anything. Perhaps my peer in the hallway only saw a "lying, theiving blasphemer" when she looked at me. Maybe I am those things, but that's not ALL I am, and I refuse to assume others are ever ALL I see them for.
If we could just accept our own ignorance we might finally get somewhere.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Closing the Gap
I've had a really hard time focusing on my blog writing the past week or two. I have a few entries started, but I keep getting distracted by other topics and losing my train of thought.
What I want more than anything else is to see the world. Reading about the events in all these other places is not enough for me. I want to experience them, I want to have a frame of reference, my own personal context for things. For instance, there are many articles in the news right now about Ramadan as Muslims around the world eagerly look to the moon for the cue to begin what will be the holiest month of this year for them. Having experienced a community while it is fasting gives me a completely different perspective on these articles. I can smell the ocean breeze as it blows from the Atlantic onto Rabat beach, hear the call to prayer, see the empty daytime streets lined with locked shop doors, and taste the delicious feast had each night to celebrate the breaking of that day's fasting.
I think my imagination is lazy. I don't want to have to use it to suppose what other places are like - I want to know, firsthand. I want to describe with complete certainty the things that exist in faraway places, thus closing the gap between here and there. Nowhere really is a "faraway place," and I think that once this is realized, one has no choice but to gain a profound understanding of how badly this world needs us to accept one another.
I'm getting itchy. I need to travel.
Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket on the way home.
What I want more than anything else is to see the world. Reading about the events in all these other places is not enough for me. I want to experience them, I want to have a frame of reference, my own personal context for things. For instance, there are many articles in the news right now about Ramadan as Muslims around the world eagerly look to the moon for the cue to begin what will be the holiest month of this year for them. Having experienced a community while it is fasting gives me a completely different perspective on these articles. I can smell the ocean breeze as it blows from the Atlantic onto Rabat beach, hear the call to prayer, see the empty daytime streets lined with locked shop doors, and taste the delicious feast had each night to celebrate the breaking of that day's fasting.
I think my imagination is lazy. I don't want to have to use it to suppose what other places are like - I want to know, firsthand. I want to describe with complete certainty the things that exist in faraway places, thus closing the gap between here and there. Nowhere really is a "faraway place," and I think that once this is realized, one has no choice but to gain a profound understanding of how badly this world needs us to accept one another.
I'm getting itchy. I need to travel.
Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket on the way home.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Be a Boulder
In the past week I have read some very unsettling articles about Police Officers and their egregiously high levels of corruption.
First up is this article about events in China. The police have organized and executed "Shame Parades" where they shackle women suspected of prostitution and lead them through the streets for all to see. Not only is this a horrible offense to the human rights of these women, but it once again confirms the belief of many that women should be ashamed of having sex. Where are their Johns? To be fair, some of the cities did publish the names and addresses of the accused sex workers and their clients, but why aren't the Johns also being paraded through street? Have we not heard of Supply & Demand? Besides the inequality with which men and women are treated sexually, it is not likely that these women chose prostitution. Most of these women are probably sex slaves or girls who were abandoned by their families as babies and found no other option for survival.
"Crime" must be committed against someone, no? In the case of prostitution, I can't determine who the victim is meant to be. Unless the prostitute knowingly spreads disease to, abuses, or steals from her John I can't see how's she has made him a victim. Besides, all of those crimes can be prosecuted without any reference to sex. Unless you actually believe that the clients are lured by these evil seductresses into their dens of debauchery and were completely non-complicit in the decision to pay for sex, the only victim is "the state" whose law was broken. That's not good enough for me.
Next I read this article about a Russian man named Aleksei Aleksandrovich Dymovsky who used to be a police officer. He put on his uniform and made two YouTube video appeals to Vladimir Putin which would take over Russia. In his videos he offered proof from inside the Police Force that police are expected to take bribes and constantly make illegal arrests to extort money. The officers are even required to hand over a percentage of their daily collections to a senior department member known as "The Cashier." This wouldn't have to happen if the police officers were actually paid a decent amount of money.
Mr. Putin's response was to denounce Mr. Dymovsky's statements. Of course Mr. Dymovsky was fired and placed in jail, his apartment was searched, and he was sued for slander. Now, this makes no sense to me. Is the Russian government not at all concerned with whether or not its people and the world view it is a corrupt entity incapable of functioning without the bullying of the public by its authorities? Because going to all these extreme measures to punish him and scare the rest of the public basically confirms further everything this man has exposed. Nevertheless, this month, "Mr. Putin’s party...toughened penalties for officers who criticize their superiors. It is being called the 'Dymovsky law.'" WHAT?
Abuse of power is as old as humanity, and yet I cannot accept it as "the way things have to be." Why should we have to accept injustice? And what exactly is to blame? Bad economy? Bad leaders? Bad parents? Besides all this, I think these folks have the wrong idea about the definition of "power." Fire rages and destroys everything in it's path, but it is dependent upon what it eats. Without material to consume, it will inevitably die out. A boulder on the other hand, moves for no one. This is power.
I couldn't begin to tell you what we do to correct the terrible abuses of power around the world. I don't see it ever ending, but I for one will not accept it as my model for power. Be a boulder.
First up is this article about events in China. The police have organized and executed "Shame Parades" where they shackle women suspected of prostitution and lead them through the streets for all to see. Not only is this a horrible offense to the human rights of these women, but it once again confirms the belief of many that women should be ashamed of having sex. Where are their Johns? To be fair, some of the cities did publish the names and addresses of the accused sex workers and their clients, but why aren't the Johns also being paraded through street? Have we not heard of Supply & Demand? Besides the inequality with which men and women are treated sexually, it is not likely that these women chose prostitution. Most of these women are probably sex slaves or girls who were abandoned by their families as babies and found no other option for survival.
"Crime" must be committed against someone, no? In the case of prostitution, I can't determine who the victim is meant to be. Unless the prostitute knowingly spreads disease to, abuses, or steals from her John I can't see how's she has made him a victim. Besides, all of those crimes can be prosecuted without any reference to sex. Unless you actually believe that the clients are lured by these evil seductresses into their dens of debauchery and were completely non-complicit in the decision to pay for sex, the only victim is "the state" whose law was broken. That's not good enough for me.
Next I read this article about a Russian man named Aleksei Aleksandrovich Dymovsky who used to be a police officer. He put on his uniform and made two YouTube video appeals to Vladimir Putin which would take over Russia. In his videos he offered proof from inside the Police Force that police are expected to take bribes and constantly make illegal arrests to extort money. The officers are even required to hand over a percentage of their daily collections to a senior department member known as "The Cashier." This wouldn't have to happen if the police officers were actually paid a decent amount of money.
Mr. Putin's response was to denounce Mr. Dymovsky's statements. Of course Mr. Dymovsky was fired and placed in jail, his apartment was searched, and he was sued for slander. Now, this makes no sense to me. Is the Russian government not at all concerned with whether or not its people and the world view it is a corrupt entity incapable of functioning without the bullying of the public by its authorities? Because going to all these extreme measures to punish him and scare the rest of the public basically confirms further everything this man has exposed. Nevertheless, this month, "Mr. Putin’s party...toughened penalties for officers who criticize their superiors. It is being called the 'Dymovsky law.'" WHAT?
Abuse of power is as old as humanity, and yet I cannot accept it as "the way things have to be." Why should we have to accept injustice? And what exactly is to blame? Bad economy? Bad leaders? Bad parents? Besides all this, I think these folks have the wrong idea about the definition of "power." Fire rages and destroys everything in it's path, but it is dependent upon what it eats. Without material to consume, it will inevitably die out. A boulder on the other hand, moves for no one. This is power.
I couldn't begin to tell you what we do to correct the terrible abuses of power around the world. I don't see it ever ending, but I for one will not accept it as my model for power. Be a boulder.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Certain Injustices
There are some things that make me so angry I could spit.
The injustice and irresponsibility of large advertising companies falls in this category. Yesterday I read an article in The New York Times about how people are trying to get big advertising agencies to quit marketing sugary cereals to kids. The food companies claim that there are plenty of ingredients children need in the foods, but this doesn't change the fact that they are making children addicted to sugar, salt, grease, and fat.
The thing which makes me especially angry is that the same advertising companies that tell us we should eat Froot Loops and McDonalds when we are children tell us that we should be skinny and have perfect skin and hair in adulthood.
In college I became very health conscious and began reading food labels and nutrition facts. I even experimented with a vegan diet for the better part of a year. Based on the shocking findings I made by doing this type of "research," I adjusted my diet. The amount of flack I received for this was ridiculous. I know that vegans and vegetarians catch a lot of heat all the time about their choices, but choosing to eat a salad instead of french fries should not be up for public scrutiny. It is true that at some points during college I struggled with an eating disorder, but people's reactions to my healthy food choices made me feel like I had a much bigger problem than I actually did.
But it wasn't their fault - our entire lives myself and my peers were told that it is normal to eat sugary cereal for breakfast, a bag of greasy chips with lunch, and a big dessert after a fatty dinner of pizza, and let's not even get into the snack foods.
Eating is one of our essential human needs. Because it is so vital to our existence it would stand to reason that people know exactly what they are eating. So then why are people always, and without fail, surprised when they learn what's really in the food they have been consuming for years? And why are these large advertising agencies and food companies allowed to tell these children that they are doing something good for themselves by eating Cinnamin Toast Crunch every day for breakfast? That is simple not ok. They are getting young people hooked on sugar so that then they can sell them sugary substances for their entire lives (sound familiar smokers?). And if they aren't selling twinkies then they are selling weight-loss aids.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the 'sugar-free' alternatives filled with mystery ingredients are any better. We are supposed to be able to digest the things we consume - how does the body gain anything from a calorie-free substance it cannot digest?
Want sugar? Eat some fruit or carrots, use honey in your tea or coffee. Need carbs? I'm sure you've heard of whole grains and brown rice.
There are many options out there, and it is absoltuely not "weird" to explore them. What is weird is destroying yourself slowly. What is weird is continuing to consume a substance which will result in you developing diabetes, heart disease, or cancer. And what's even weirder is that people are allowed to hide information from you which educates you that you are doing so.
I'm guilty of making bad food choices, but we should all read food labels and know what we are looking at. Please, let's educate ourselves.
The injustice and irresponsibility of large advertising companies falls in this category. Yesterday I read an article in The New York Times about how people are trying to get big advertising agencies to quit marketing sugary cereals to kids. The food companies claim that there are plenty of ingredients children need in the foods, but this doesn't change the fact that they are making children addicted to sugar, salt, grease, and fat.
The thing which makes me especially angry is that the same advertising companies that tell us we should eat Froot Loops and McDonalds when we are children tell us that we should be skinny and have perfect skin and hair in adulthood.
In college I became very health conscious and began reading food labels and nutrition facts. I even experimented with a vegan diet for the better part of a year. Based on the shocking findings I made by doing this type of "research," I adjusted my diet. The amount of flack I received for this was ridiculous. I know that vegans and vegetarians catch a lot of heat all the time about their choices, but choosing to eat a salad instead of french fries should not be up for public scrutiny. It is true that at some points during college I struggled with an eating disorder, but people's reactions to my healthy food choices made me feel like I had a much bigger problem than I actually did.
But it wasn't their fault - our entire lives myself and my peers were told that it is normal to eat sugary cereal for breakfast, a bag of greasy chips with lunch, and a big dessert after a fatty dinner of pizza, and let's not even get into the snack foods.
Eating is one of our essential human needs. Because it is so vital to our existence it would stand to reason that people know exactly what they are eating. So then why are people always, and without fail, surprised when they learn what's really in the food they have been consuming for years? And why are these large advertising agencies and food companies allowed to tell these children that they are doing something good for themselves by eating Cinnamin Toast Crunch every day for breakfast? That is simple not ok. They are getting young people hooked on sugar so that then they can sell them sugary substances for their entire lives (sound familiar smokers?). And if they aren't selling twinkies then they are selling weight-loss aids.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the 'sugar-free' alternatives filled with mystery ingredients are any better. We are supposed to be able to digest the things we consume - how does the body gain anything from a calorie-free substance it cannot digest?
Want sugar? Eat some fruit or carrots, use honey in your tea or coffee. Need carbs? I'm sure you've heard of whole grains and brown rice.
There are many options out there, and it is absoltuely not "weird" to explore them. What is weird is destroying yourself slowly. What is weird is continuing to consume a substance which will result in you developing diabetes, heart disease, or cancer. And what's even weirder is that people are allowed to hide information from you which educates you that you are doing so.
I'm guilty of making bad food choices, but we should all read food labels and know what we are looking at. Please, let's educate ourselves.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Who are you?
We spend a lot of our lives trying to figure out how we define ourselves, attempting desperately to discover and then create the legacy we want to leave behind. But there are all sorts of contributors to our identities that we forget when we are not necessarily conscious of.
At the gym where I work the front desk staff has to clock the maintenance staff in and out. This has led to many errors in their hours and has resulted in my boss having to recalculate their hours daily. I suggested to my manager that we teach them to perform this function themselves, thus eliminating the errors. He asked me to show them how, and I was in for a bit of a shock. It did not occur to me when I made my suggestion that these employees would not know how to operate a computer, and yet they all struggled with the task. My ignorance was revealed. I would have thought that at least the younger employees would have learned how to type a little bit from chatting or something online…
I never went to fancy private schools or growing up, but I got a good education anyway – I began learning to type when I was in kindergarten, and by the time I graduated college I had learned how to write formal essays with fancy citations and complicated grammar. I spent many hours reading classic literature, learning the history of the world, and even more hours figuring out how to convey my points of view on these subjects via text…
But this all began before I ever asked myself the question “Who am I?” I have never thought of my education as a major defining feature of my identity…and that seems so silly to me now!
I guess it takes events like this to help you realize what you’ve taken for granted. Fair enough, but I am now trying to answer this question: what huge parts of my development have gone completely unnoticed by me? As is the case with many teenagers, I experimented with different styles and tastes, hoping to find something that would help me to understand how I fit into the world around me. In all this searching for my “self” I never looked at the rituals that already existed for information: school, family dinners, summer camp, etc.
So is that what this whole game is about? You search everywhere outside yourself trying to feel whole only to discover all you needed to know was already there? But then again how can you arrive at that moment until you’ve done all the searching?
I always feel pretentious when I start "philosophizing" like this.
At the gym where I work the front desk staff has to clock the maintenance staff in and out. This has led to many errors in their hours and has resulted in my boss having to recalculate their hours daily. I suggested to my manager that we teach them to perform this function themselves, thus eliminating the errors. He asked me to show them how, and I was in for a bit of a shock. It did not occur to me when I made my suggestion that these employees would not know how to operate a computer, and yet they all struggled with the task. My ignorance was revealed. I would have thought that at least the younger employees would have learned how to type a little bit from chatting or something online…
I never went to fancy private schools or growing up, but I got a good education anyway – I began learning to type when I was in kindergarten, and by the time I graduated college I had learned how to write formal essays with fancy citations and complicated grammar. I spent many hours reading classic literature, learning the history of the world, and even more hours figuring out how to convey my points of view on these subjects via text…
But this all began before I ever asked myself the question “Who am I?” I have never thought of my education as a major defining feature of my identity…and that seems so silly to me now!
I guess it takes events like this to help you realize what you’ve taken for granted. Fair enough, but I am now trying to answer this question: what huge parts of my development have gone completely unnoticed by me? As is the case with many teenagers, I experimented with different styles and tastes, hoping to find something that would help me to understand how I fit into the world around me. In all this searching for my “self” I never looked at the rituals that already existed for information: school, family dinners, summer camp, etc.
So is that what this whole game is about? You search everywhere outside yourself trying to feel whole only to discover all you needed to know was already there? But then again how can you arrive at that moment until you’ve done all the searching?
I always feel pretentious when I start "philosophizing" like this.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Every day I read about hatred.
War
Hate Crimes
Discrimination
Theft
Greed
Abuse of Power
My whole life I have wanted to do something about it. A natural nurturer (like my wonderful mother), I have always been convinced that love is capable of healing all. I know it sounds fruity, but I have always attempted to live according to this philosophy, and have vowed to never be the cause of someone's hatred or misery. But simply having a belief doesn't mean anything unless we put it to use right?
So I am sharing with you all now (and thus giving myself more initiative) that my main goal right now is to save up enough to be able to travel to somewhere far away for a month and get certified as a yoga instructor. I will probably never be a world leader or a wealthy philanthropist, but I am confident that I am capable of bringing a daily peace to others.
Once in a while I go through a phase I secretly refer to as "Spartan Times" where I live really sparsely and work really hard. I'm going to go through one of these phases now. I've decided to be sugar free, I've taken a second job at the yoga studio where I have been volunteering, and I will have a daily yoga practice - be it in a class or on my own. To all my friends: know that I love you dearly, and that I will have a hard time seeing you the next few months. It's times like this when it pays to have a boyfriend far away who won't be upset at how busy I am.
So off I go toward daily peace.
War
Hate Crimes
Discrimination
Theft
Greed
Abuse of Power
My whole life I have wanted to do something about it. A natural nurturer (like my wonderful mother), I have always been convinced that love is capable of healing all. I know it sounds fruity, but I have always attempted to live according to this philosophy, and have vowed to never be the cause of someone's hatred or misery. But simply having a belief doesn't mean anything unless we put it to use right?
So I am sharing with you all now (and thus giving myself more initiative) that my main goal right now is to save up enough to be able to travel to somewhere far away for a month and get certified as a yoga instructor. I will probably never be a world leader or a wealthy philanthropist, but I am confident that I am capable of bringing a daily peace to others.
Once in a while I go through a phase I secretly refer to as "Spartan Times" where I live really sparsely and work really hard. I'm going to go through one of these phases now. I've decided to be sugar free, I've taken a second job at the yoga studio where I have been volunteering, and I will have a daily yoga practice - be it in a class or on my own. To all my friends: know that I love you dearly, and that I will have a hard time seeing you the next few months. It's times like this when it pays to have a boyfriend far away who won't be upset at how busy I am.
So off I go toward daily peace.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Emotions
In a city like New York it is very easy to get distracted. With every step there is a new hole-in-the-wall cafe or boutique to discover, another conversation to overhear, a celebrity to spot, another odd job to do. The entire world really is in front of you, but how can complete and total possibility exist at the same time as determination and focus?
I have always had a difficult time making decisions - and yet living in New York you are faced with having to make decisions every millisecond about where your focus is. There is far too much to possibly be absorbed at once. I cannot for the life of me figure out how people can live in this city and hold a full-time job...I find myself wanting to do everything: teach yoga, become a nutritionist, become a freelance writer, work in fashion, become a social worker, and let's not forget my life-long dream of having a successful acting career.
My problem has been, however, that because I feel like I'm supposed to be pursuing acting full-time, the pursuit of anything else makes me feel extremely anxious and like I'm wasting time.
How do you handle wanting everything?
I have always had a difficult time making decisions - and yet living in New York you are faced with having to make decisions every millisecond about where your focus is. There is far too much to possibly be absorbed at once. I cannot for the life of me figure out how people can live in this city and hold a full-time job...I find myself wanting to do everything: teach yoga, become a nutritionist, become a freelance writer, work in fashion, become a social worker, and let's not forget my life-long dream of having a successful acting career.
My problem has been, however, that because I feel like I'm supposed to be pursuing acting full-time, the pursuit of anything else makes me feel extremely anxious and like I'm wasting time.
How do you handle wanting everything?
Friday, July 9, 2010
Persona(lity)
Lately I feel like I've been reading a lot about spies. All those Russian spies in Jersey, how we traded their release for some of our own spies in Russia, people spying for Islamic Militant groups, etc.
While these people have made espionage their livelihoods, we are all part-time professionals at it. Don't we all feel from time to time that we are not being the truest versions of ourselves? The neighbors and coworkers of the spies in New Jersey all said the same thing: they would have never known anything was different about these people. But isn't that the case with all families? Though these people took it to the extreme we are all keeping some sort of secret identity.
The question is: how do we walk the fine line between personality and persona? I used to teach at a theatre summer camp and it was so interesting to witness developing humans in action. I will never forget this one little girl named Georgia, who I witnessed one day yelling at the sidewalk "I said stop! I said don't move!" When I inquired why she was yelling at the sidewalk she said "I told that ant to stop and it didn't! I'm an only child so I'm bossy!" This little girl clearly adopted a persona based on something she heard somewhere else...but I wonder if, now that she is 12 years old if she believes that being bossy is part of her inherent personality. Though most of our development happens in childhood, throughout adulthood we are introduced to new ways we are "supposed" to be, new traits we are meant to adopt. This has a direct impact on how we behave; even those who loudly condemn the conventions are in relationship to them.
And what classified information are we attempting to secure by pretending to be people we are not? Only psychopaths lie for the sake of lying, but most people have very specific reasons for being less than truthful. Are we simply testing how many friends or how much money and acclaim we can get?
What is your secret personality?
What is your public persona?
I know for me they are not always the same, but I'm curious how they can become one. Can they?
While these people have made espionage their livelihoods, we are all part-time professionals at it. Don't we all feel from time to time that we are not being the truest versions of ourselves? The neighbors and coworkers of the spies in New Jersey all said the same thing: they would have never known anything was different about these people. But isn't that the case with all families? Though these people took it to the extreme we are all keeping some sort of secret identity.
The question is: how do we walk the fine line between personality and persona? I used to teach at a theatre summer camp and it was so interesting to witness developing humans in action. I will never forget this one little girl named Georgia, who I witnessed one day yelling at the sidewalk "I said stop! I said don't move!" When I inquired why she was yelling at the sidewalk she said "I told that ant to stop and it didn't! I'm an only child so I'm bossy!" This little girl clearly adopted a persona based on something she heard somewhere else...but I wonder if, now that she is 12 years old if she believes that being bossy is part of her inherent personality. Though most of our development happens in childhood, throughout adulthood we are introduced to new ways we are "supposed" to be, new traits we are meant to adopt. This has a direct impact on how we behave; even those who loudly condemn the conventions are in relationship to them.
And what classified information are we attempting to secure by pretending to be people we are not? Only psychopaths lie for the sake of lying, but most people have very specific reasons for being less than truthful. Are we simply testing how many friends or how much money and acclaim we can get?
What is your secret personality?
What is your public persona?
I know for me they are not always the same, but I'm curious how they can become one. Can they?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
It'll Be Fine
"It'll be fine!"
How many times do we repeat this to ourselves, to others, hear it said to us? In most instances it is probably true:
It'll be fine if you are short a bag of chips at your party.
It'll be fine if you left the a/c on while nobody's home.
It'll be fine if your shoes don't match your dress that well.
However, there are other instances when we tell ourselves it will be fine when it might not be:
It'll be fine if you spend more than you earn.
It'll be fine if you don't get that injured knee checked out.
It'll be fine if you drill that oil well in the gulf.
One of the Eight Limbs of Yoga is Yama, or Universal Morality. One of the yamas is Satya, or truthfulness. Part of being truthful is making honest assessments of our decisions before we finalize them. This makes us more equipped to handle the outcome of our decisions head-on, rather than having to tell ourselves over and over again "it'll be fine."
I read about disastrous situations all the time, and I just can't help but wonder about the one or two people along the way who thought "It'll be fine," and contributed to the huge cover-page story I'm reading. I'm not advocating always fearing the worst or being overly cautious, but we have to own our part in things. Satya demands it.
How many times do we repeat this to ourselves, to others, hear it said to us? In most instances it is probably true:
It'll be fine if you are short a bag of chips at your party.
It'll be fine if you left the a/c on while nobody's home.
It'll be fine if your shoes don't match your dress that well.
However, there are other instances when we tell ourselves it will be fine when it might not be:
It'll be fine if you spend more than you earn.
It'll be fine if you don't get that injured knee checked out.
It'll be fine if you drill that oil well in the gulf.
One of the Eight Limbs of Yoga is Yama, or Universal Morality. One of the yamas is Satya, or truthfulness. Part of being truthful is making honest assessments of our decisions before we finalize them. This makes us more equipped to handle the outcome of our decisions head-on, rather than having to tell ourselves over and over again "it'll be fine."
I read about disastrous situations all the time, and I just can't help but wonder about the one or two people along the way who thought "It'll be fine," and contributed to the huge cover-page story I'm reading. I'm not advocating always fearing the worst or being overly cautious, but we have to own our part in things. Satya demands it.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Cyberbully
I love the internet. I can look up the answer to any question 24/7, I can communicate with my loved ones thousands of miles away, I can shop for one-of-a-kind pieces from all over the world, and lord knows I can facebook.
The internet gives us superpowers, allowing us to do things we never could in real life - such as travel instantly from one place to another to hold a conversation or make objects we desire appear at our door step from thin air or be capable of finding people in under 5 minutes who we haven't seen or spoken to in over a decade. While all of this is fantastic, the false sense of having these superpowers can be a very dangerous thing (any episode of Law and Order SVU will teach you that!).
But what I'm concerned about today are not the fiction-worthy extreme instances of criminals on the web, but rather how the internet functions in our daily lives, and in how our children grow up. I was reading a very interesting article on the subject of bullying in middle schools and how it has been made worse by the internet and text messaging. One girl told the reporter, "We had so many fights in seventh grade...None of them were face-to-face. We were too afraid. Besides, it’s easier to say ‘sorry’ over a text.” Another girl was quoted as saying, “It’s easier to fight online, because you feel more brave and in control...On Facebook, you can be as mean as you want.” And who can disagree with her? Haven't we all been overcome by the superpower of invincibility while online and posted a scathing comment on a website or made a particularly stinging remark during a chat session?
But what is this doing to our ability to handle negative or heated emotions? Before logging on to a computer, adopting an alias, and spewing our venom all over the internet was an option, were there fewer bullies? The statements from the girls indicate that most kids (and people in general I think) are too afraid to have fights in person, meaning that before the existence of the internet the role of "bully" was cast from a much smaller pool of candidates. The superpowers awarded to us by the internet might allow people to publish the nasty things they think about others, but the trouble is that they never have to actually face someone and talk about how they are feeling. I have a hunch that if preteens were forced to confront each other face to face that they would use much kinder language and adopt milder points of view about their circumstances with each other. Something about the fear of confrontation makes us back off, makes us forgive more easily, possibly even helps us move on. How strange that the internet, a way in which the entire world is connected, has made these kids unable to actually communicate what they are thinking and feeling. And if we never have to communicate it, we never have to analyze it or figure it out.
Which is more psychologically traumatizing: having your lunch money stolen and your head flushed down a toilet, or having to read nasty things about yourself on a public website? I don't know the answer, nor can I comprehend the concept of it all. I am fortunate enough to have encountered very little bullying in my life, and I cannot understand how anyone could be so unaware of themselves to think they should treat people that way. All I hope is that the bullies and the bullied all learn how to express themselves in a constructive way. We are all victims of circumstance at times, but I firmly believe that it is possible to emerge from any situation gracefully if we are equipped with the communicative tools to do so.
The internet gives us superpowers, allowing us to do things we never could in real life - such as travel instantly from one place to another to hold a conversation or make objects we desire appear at our door step from thin air or be capable of finding people in under 5 minutes who we haven't seen or spoken to in over a decade. While all of this is fantastic, the false sense of having these superpowers can be a very dangerous thing (any episode of Law and Order SVU will teach you that!).
But what I'm concerned about today are not the fiction-worthy extreme instances of criminals on the web, but rather how the internet functions in our daily lives, and in how our children grow up. I was reading a very interesting article on the subject of bullying in middle schools and how it has been made worse by the internet and text messaging. One girl told the reporter, "We had so many fights in seventh grade...None of them were face-to-face. We were too afraid. Besides, it’s easier to say ‘sorry’ over a text.” Another girl was quoted as saying, “It’s easier to fight online, because you feel more brave and in control...On Facebook, you can be as mean as you want.” And who can disagree with her? Haven't we all been overcome by the superpower of invincibility while online and posted a scathing comment on a website or made a particularly stinging remark during a chat session?
But what is this doing to our ability to handle negative or heated emotions? Before logging on to a computer, adopting an alias, and spewing our venom all over the internet was an option, were there fewer bullies? The statements from the girls indicate that most kids (and people in general I think) are too afraid to have fights in person, meaning that before the existence of the internet the role of "bully" was cast from a much smaller pool of candidates. The superpowers awarded to us by the internet might allow people to publish the nasty things they think about others, but the trouble is that they never have to actually face someone and talk about how they are feeling. I have a hunch that if preteens were forced to confront each other face to face that they would use much kinder language and adopt milder points of view about their circumstances with each other. Something about the fear of confrontation makes us back off, makes us forgive more easily, possibly even helps us move on. How strange that the internet, a way in which the entire world is connected, has made these kids unable to actually communicate what they are thinking and feeling. And if we never have to communicate it, we never have to analyze it or figure it out.
Which is more psychologically traumatizing: having your lunch money stolen and your head flushed down a toilet, or having to read nasty things about yourself on a public website? I don't know the answer, nor can I comprehend the concept of it all. I am fortunate enough to have encountered very little bullying in my life, and I cannot understand how anyone could be so unaware of themselves to think they should treat people that way. All I hope is that the bullies and the bullied all learn how to express themselves in a constructive way. We are all victims of circumstance at times, but I firmly believe that it is possible to emerge from any situation gracefully if we are equipped with the communicative tools to do so.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Neutrality
This week I am taking a Neutral Mask workshop with a fantastic actor, teacher, and director named Richard Crawford. I saw Richard perform a one man show where he sat behind a desk for the majority of the piece and was lit almost exclusively on his face and chest. It was the best acting I've ever seen, and in his classes I can see that he is teaching us how to perform like I saw him do. If you are an actor in the New York City area I greatly recommend his courses. You can see a list of workshops and instructors at the Movement Theater Studio website.
For those of you who don't know what the Neutral Mask is, it is a training tool developed by Jacques Lecoq meant to aid the actor in acheiving - you guessed it, neutrality (in the body specifically). By wearing the mask we become aware of our habitual mannerisms. Richard taught Lecoq and Neutral Mask at my college for half a semester, so I've gotten a chance to work on this before, but during this week my idea about the definition of "neutrality" has changed. When I hear the word "neutral" I think of a lacking of character or flavor, but with the Neutral Mask that's not exactly what we are after. It is true that we are seeking to dissolve our own personal "characteristics," but we are doing this with the aim of acheiving a universal physicality, the common denominator between movements. Richard explains this very simply with "I see, I go." Sans opinion, sans style, sans inhibition, sans expectation - I see, I go. I have trouble performing when I am self-conscious, thinking only of the things I shouldn't be doing. It is much simpler for me to think of achieving a universal body rather than negating everything that makes me April. Rather we each focus on the things that make us human.
It is because this universal recognition of movement can exist that I have such a difficult time understanding the concept of xenophobia. I understand that as animals we are going to be cautious or wary of certain things - we are programmed to be slightly skeptical and frightened out of self protection. But we all respond to the elements in the same way...mechanically we are built the same...it is an inefficient use of energy to try and find differences between what is fundamentally and inherently the same. But I think that might be an idea for another day. I'm not sure I have anything new to say on the matter. I just read articles today about racially charged criticisms of French soccer players, the slaughtering of Uzbeks in Kyrgyzstan, and injustice against Tibetans in China and it all made me feel sick and angry.
For those of you who don't know what the Neutral Mask is, it is a training tool developed by Jacques Lecoq meant to aid the actor in acheiving - you guessed it, neutrality (in the body specifically). By wearing the mask we become aware of our habitual mannerisms. Richard taught Lecoq and Neutral Mask at my college for half a semester, so I've gotten a chance to work on this before, but during this week my idea about the definition of "neutrality" has changed. When I hear the word "neutral" I think of a lacking of character or flavor, but with the Neutral Mask that's not exactly what we are after. It is true that we are seeking to dissolve our own personal "characteristics," but we are doing this with the aim of acheiving a universal physicality, the common denominator between movements. Richard explains this very simply with "I see, I go." Sans opinion, sans style, sans inhibition, sans expectation - I see, I go. I have trouble performing when I am self-conscious, thinking only of the things I shouldn't be doing. It is much simpler for me to think of achieving a universal body rather than negating everything that makes me April. Rather we each focus on the things that make us human.
It is because this universal recognition of movement can exist that I have such a difficult time understanding the concept of xenophobia. I understand that as animals we are going to be cautious or wary of certain things - we are programmed to be slightly skeptical and frightened out of self protection. But we all respond to the elements in the same way...mechanically we are built the same...it is an inefficient use of energy to try and find differences between what is fundamentally and inherently the same. But I think that might be an idea for another day. I'm not sure I have anything new to say on the matter. I just read articles today about racially charged criticisms of French soccer players, the slaughtering of Uzbeks in Kyrgyzstan, and injustice against Tibetans in China and it all made me feel sick and angry.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Knowledge is Power, or Prejudice?
In today's world it is possible to uncover any information at any time of day or night. With internet in our homes, offices, and even in our pockets, we rarely find our questions unanswered. But has our incessant access to knowledge ruined our ability to approach new things with a sense of mystery and intrigue? Has it made it easier for us to double-click our way into thinking we know what other cultures are really like?
I was having these thoughts as I was reading this article on the New York Times website. It describes a hole-in-the-wall bar in Alexandria, Egypt where many locals come to socialize despite the negative view of such establishments by many religious Egyptians. In fact, those interviewed refused to give their complete names for fear of public ridicule. Having lived in Morocco, I witnessed first-hand the pressure to conform to "religious" standards. The call to prayer might be the most obvious form of a widespread nudging toward uniform behavior. Echoing through the street five times a day, the solemn and throaty sound emitted by the muezzin beckons the citizens to prayer. And whether or not they pray, the call is heard.
The article laments the loss of the old Alexandria, "a city built to look out on the world," and states that "the arc of history has been unkind to Alexandria, taking it on a long slow slide from the center of global learning in ancient times to a rundown, crowded metropolis on the Mediterranean." The diverse population of French, Greeks, Italians, Christians, and Jews are a distant memory now. One man remarked "We were raised in the hands of foreigners," which I find to be incredibly beautiful idea. Is that also not the case for all Americans? Whether or not we actually grew up in diverse communities, we all owe our lineage to foreign peoples and ideas.
So how is it that this happens? How is it that a diverse and unique population full of educated and well-cultured people is now one of submission and conformity? Of course I am only evaluating this one article, but I can't help but think that it seems odd to regress from a cultural capital to a more intolerant society. What I'm wondering is if ease of education about other cultures makes us more apt to find our own superior? Or is it simply poor education that accomplishes this?
I was having these thoughts as I was reading this article on the New York Times website. It describes a hole-in-the-wall bar in Alexandria, Egypt where many locals come to socialize despite the negative view of such establishments by many religious Egyptians. In fact, those interviewed refused to give their complete names for fear of public ridicule. Having lived in Morocco, I witnessed first-hand the pressure to conform to "religious" standards. The call to prayer might be the most obvious form of a widespread nudging toward uniform behavior. Echoing through the street five times a day, the solemn and throaty sound emitted by the muezzin beckons the citizens to prayer. And whether or not they pray, the call is heard.
The article laments the loss of the old Alexandria, "a city built to look out on the world," and states that "the arc of history has been unkind to Alexandria, taking it on a long slow slide from the center of global learning in ancient times to a rundown, crowded metropolis on the Mediterranean." The diverse population of French, Greeks, Italians, Christians, and Jews are a distant memory now. One man remarked "We were raised in the hands of foreigners," which I find to be incredibly beautiful idea. Is that also not the case for all Americans? Whether or not we actually grew up in diverse communities, we all owe our lineage to foreign peoples and ideas.
So how is it that this happens? How is it that a diverse and unique population full of educated and well-cultured people is now one of submission and conformity? Of course I am only evaluating this one article, but I can't help but think that it seems odd to regress from a cultural capital to a more intolerant society. What I'm wondering is if ease of education about other cultures makes us more apt to find our own superior? Or is it simply poor education that accomplishes this?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Here Goes Nothin!
Making the adjustment into "real" life after graduating college was very difficult for me - so difficult in fact that I ran away to Africa to figure myself out. That trip helped quite a bit, but I still find myself feeling imbalanced.
One of the things I have found myself missing about being a student is being required to absorb and synthesize information, and then convey that synthesis to others. Normally this is reflected in the oh-so-commonly-assigned "Paper." Despite the late night runs to Dunkin Donuts, the vehement cursing of professors' names, and the inevitable standoffs with printers and USB memory sticks, being forced to sit down and sort out my own thoughts was always really good for me. Keeping a blog of my activities while I was in Morocco reminded me of this.
I am interested in the inter-connectedness of all things. Lately I've been feeling like I have too many ideas to focus. I have a hundred things I want to do running through my head, and they are all crashing into each other, making it impossible for me to accomplish any of them. My hope is that the more I write and draw pieces of information together, the more balanced and fluid my thinking and actions will become. A more egotistical hope is that those who read this blog enjoy it and are glad they stumbled upon it or were told about it.
So here we go!
One of the things I have found myself missing about being a student is being required to absorb and synthesize information, and then convey that synthesis to others. Normally this is reflected in the oh-so-commonly-assigned "Paper." Despite the late night runs to Dunkin Donuts, the vehement cursing of professors' names, and the inevitable standoffs with printers and USB memory sticks, being forced to sit down and sort out my own thoughts was always really good for me. Keeping a blog of my activities while I was in Morocco reminded me of this.
I am interested in the inter-connectedness of all things. Lately I've been feeling like I have too many ideas to focus. I have a hundred things I want to do running through my head, and they are all crashing into each other, making it impossible for me to accomplish any of them. My hope is that the more I write and draw pieces of information together, the more balanced and fluid my thinking and actions will become. A more egotistical hope is that those who read this blog enjoy it and are glad they stumbled upon it or were told about it.
So here we go!
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