Be a Boulder

In the past week I have read some very unsettling articles about Police Officers and their egregiously high levels of corruption.

First up is this article about events in China. The police have organized and executed "Shame Parades" where they shackle women suspected of prostitution and lead them through the streets for all to see. Not only is this a horrible offense to the human rights of these women, but it once again confirms the belief of many that women should be ashamed of having sex. Where are their Johns? To be fair, some of the cities did publish the names and addresses of the accused sex workers and their clients, but why aren't the Johns also being paraded through street? Have we not heard of Supply & Demand? Besides the inequality with which men and women are treated sexually, it is not likely that these women chose prostitution. Most of these women are probably sex slaves or girls who were abandoned by their families as babies and found no other option for survival.

"Crime" must be committed against someone, no? In the case of prostitution, I can't determine who the victim is meant to be. Unless the prostitute knowingly spreads disease to, abuses, or steals from her John I can't see how's she has made him a victim. Besides, all of those crimes can be prosecuted without any reference to sex. Unless you actually believe that the clients are lured by these evil seductresses into their dens of debauchery and were completely non-complicit in the decision to pay for sex, the only victim is "the state" whose law was broken. That's not good enough for me.

Next I read this article about a Russian man named Aleksei Aleksandrovich Dymovsky who used to be a police officer. He put on his uniform and made two YouTube video appeals to Vladimir Putin which would take over Russia. In his videos he offered proof from inside the Police Force that police are expected to take bribes and constantly make illegal arrests to extort money. The officers are even required to hand over a percentage of their daily collections to a senior department member known as "The Cashier." This wouldn't have to happen if the police officers were actually paid a decent amount of money.

Mr. Putin's response was to denounce Mr. Dymovsky's statements. Of course Mr. Dymovsky was fired and placed in jail, his apartment was searched, and he was sued for slander. Now, this makes no sense to me. Is the Russian government not at all concerned with whether or not its people and the world view it is a corrupt entity incapable of functioning without the bullying of the public by its authorities? Because going to all these extreme measures to punish him and scare the rest of the public basically confirms further everything this man has exposed. Nevertheless, this month, "Mr. Putin’s party...toughened penalties for officers who criticize their superiors. It is being called the 'Dymovsky law.'" WHAT?

Abuse of power is as old as humanity, and yet I cannot accept it as "the way things have to be." Why should we have to accept injustice? And what exactly is to blame? Bad economy? Bad leaders? Bad parents? Besides all this, I think these folks have the wrong idea about the definition of "power." Fire rages and destroys everything in it's path, but it is dependent upon what it eats. Without material to consume, it will inevitably die out. A boulder on the other hand, moves for no one. This is power.

I couldn't begin to tell you what we do to correct the terrible abuses of power around the world. I don't see it ever ending, but I for one will not accept it as my model for power. Be a boulder.

Certain Injustices

There are some things that make me so angry I could spit.

The injustice and irresponsibility of large advertising companies falls in this category. Yesterday I read an article in The New York Times about how people are trying to get big advertising agencies to quit marketing sugary cereals to kids. The food companies claim that there are plenty of ingredients children need in the foods, but this doesn't change the fact that they are making children addicted to sugar, salt, grease, and fat.

The thing which makes me especially angry is that the same advertising companies that tell us we should eat Froot Loops and McDonalds when we are children tell us that we should be skinny and have perfect skin and hair in adulthood.

In college I became very health conscious and began reading food labels and nutrition facts. I even experimented with a vegan diet for the better part of a year. Based on the shocking findings I made by doing this type of "research," I adjusted my diet. The amount of flack I received for this was ridiculous. I know that vegans and vegetarians catch a lot of heat all the time about their choices, but choosing to eat a salad instead of french fries should not be up for public scrutiny. It is true that at some points during college I struggled with an eating disorder, but people's reactions to my healthy food choices made me feel like I had a much bigger problem than I actually did.

But it wasn't their fault - our entire lives myself and my peers were told that it is normal to eat sugary cereal for breakfast, a bag of greasy chips with lunch, and a big dessert after a fatty dinner of pizza, and let's not even get into the snack foods.

Eating is one of our essential human needs. Because it is so vital to our existence it would stand to reason that people know exactly what they are eating. So then why are people always, and without fail, surprised when they learn what's really in the food they have been consuming for years? And why are these large advertising agencies and food companies allowed to tell these children that they are doing something good for themselves by eating Cinnamin Toast Crunch every day for breakfast? That is simple not ok. They are getting young people hooked on sugar so that then they can sell them sugary substances for their entire lives (sound familiar smokers?). And if they aren't selling twinkies then they are selling weight-loss aids.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the 'sugar-free' alternatives filled with mystery ingredients are any better. We are supposed to be able to digest the things we consume - how does the body gain anything from a calorie-free substance it cannot digest?

Want sugar? Eat some fruit or carrots, use honey in your tea or coffee. Need carbs? I'm sure you've heard of whole grains and brown rice.

There are many options out there, and it is absoltuely not "weird" to explore them. What is weird is destroying yourself slowly. What is weird is continuing to consume a substance which will result in you developing diabetes, heart disease, or cancer. And what's even weirder is that people are allowed to hide information from you which educates you that you are doing so.

I'm guilty of making bad food choices, but we should all read food labels and know what we are looking at. Please, let's educate ourselves.

Who are you?

We spend a lot of our lives trying to figure out how we define ourselves, attempting desperately to discover and then create the legacy we want to leave behind. But there are all sorts of contributors to our identities that we forget when we are not necessarily conscious of.

At the gym where I work the front desk staff has to clock the maintenance staff in and out. This has led to many errors in their hours and has resulted in my boss having to recalculate their hours daily. I suggested to my manager that we teach them to perform this function themselves, thus eliminating the errors. He asked me to show them how, and I was in for a bit of a shock. It did not occur to me when I made my suggestion that these employees would not know how to operate a computer, and yet they all struggled with the task. My ignorance was revealed. I would have thought that at least the younger employees would have learned how to type a little bit from chatting or something online…

I never went to fancy private schools or growing up, but I got a good education anyway – I began learning to type when I was in kindergarten, and by the time I graduated college I had learned how to write formal essays with fancy citations and complicated grammar. I spent many hours reading classic literature, learning the history of the world, and even more hours figuring out how to convey my points of view on these subjects via text…

But this all began before I ever asked myself the question “Who am I?” I have never thought of my education as a major defining feature of my identity…and that seems so silly to me now!

I guess it takes events like this to help you realize what you’ve taken for granted. Fair enough, but I am now trying to answer this question: what huge parts of my development have gone completely unnoticed by me? As is the case with many teenagers, I experimented with different styles and tastes, hoping to find something that would help me to understand how I fit into the world around me. In all this searching for my “self” I never looked at the rituals that already existed for information: school, family dinners, summer camp, etc.

So is that what this whole game is about? You search everywhere outside yourself trying to feel whole only to discover all you needed to know was already there? But then again how can you arrive at that moment until you’ve done all the searching?

I always feel pretentious when I start "philosophizing" like this.

Every day I read about hatred.

War
Hate Crimes
Discrimination
Theft
Greed
Abuse of Power

My whole life I have wanted to do something about it. A natural nurturer (like my wonderful mother), I have always been convinced that love is capable of healing all. I know it sounds fruity, but I have always attempted to live according to this philosophy, and have vowed to never be the cause of someone's hatred or misery. But simply having a belief doesn't mean anything unless we put it to use right?

So I am sharing with you all now (and thus giving myself more initiative) that my main goal right now is to save up enough to be able to travel to somewhere far away for a month and get certified as a yoga instructor. I will probably never be a world leader or a wealthy philanthropist, but I am confident that I am capable of bringing a daily peace to others.

Once in a while I go through a phase I secretly refer to as "Spartan Times" where I live really sparsely and work really hard. I'm going to go through one of these phases now. I've decided to be sugar free, I've taken a second job at the yoga studio where I have been volunteering, and I will have a daily yoga practice - be it in a class or on my own. To all my friends: know that I love you dearly, and that I will have a hard time seeing you the next few months. It's times like this when it pays to have a boyfriend far away who won't be upset at how busy I am.

So off I go toward daily peace.

Emotions

In a city like New York it is very easy to get distracted. With every step there is a new hole-in-the-wall cafe or boutique to discover, another conversation to overhear, a celebrity to spot, another odd job to do. The entire world really is in front of you, but how can complete and total possibility exist at the same time as determination and focus?

I have always had a difficult time making decisions - and yet living in New York you are faced with having to make decisions every millisecond about where your focus is. There is far too much to possibly be absorbed at once. I cannot for the life of me figure out how people can live in this city and hold a full-time job...I find myself wanting to do everything: teach yoga, become a nutritionist, become a freelance writer, work in fashion, become a social worker, and let's not forget my life-long dream of having a successful acting career.

My problem has been, however, that because I feel like I'm supposed to be pursuing acting full-time, the pursuit of anything else makes me feel extremely anxious and like I'm wasting time.

How do you handle wanting everything?

Persona(lity)

Lately I feel like I've been reading a lot about spies. All those Russian spies in Jersey, how we traded their release for some of our own spies in Russia, people spying for Islamic Militant groups, etc.

While these people have made espionage their livelihoods, we are all part-time professionals at it. Don't we all feel from time to time that we are not being the truest versions of ourselves? The neighbors and coworkers of the spies in New Jersey all said the same thing: they would have never known anything was different about these people. But isn't that the case with all families? Though these people took it to the extreme we are all keeping some sort of secret identity.

The question is: how do we walk the fine line between personality and persona? I used to teach at a theatre summer camp and it was so interesting to witness developing humans in action. I will never forget this one little girl named Georgia, who I witnessed one day yelling at the sidewalk "I said stop! I said don't move!" When I inquired why she was yelling at the sidewalk she said "I told that ant to stop and it didn't! I'm an only child so I'm bossy!" This little girl clearly adopted a persona based on something she heard somewhere else...but I wonder if, now that she is 12 years old if she believes that being bossy is part of her inherent personality. Though most of our development happens in childhood, throughout adulthood we are introduced to new ways we are "supposed" to be, new traits we are meant to adopt. This has a direct impact on how we behave; even those who loudly condemn the conventions are in relationship to them.

And what classified information are we attempting to secure by pretending to be people we are not? Only psychopaths lie for the sake of lying, but most people have very specific reasons for being less than truthful. Are we simply testing how many friends or how much money and acclaim we can get?

What is your secret personality?
What is your public persona?
I know for me they are not always the same, but I'm curious how they can become one. Can they?

It'll Be Fine

"It'll be fine!"

How many times do we repeat this to ourselves, to others, hear it said to us? In most instances it is probably true:

It'll be fine if you are short a bag of chips at your party.
It'll be fine if you left the a/c on while nobody's home.
It'll be fine if your shoes don't match your dress that well.

However, there are other instances when we tell ourselves it will be fine when it might not be:

It'll be fine if you spend more than you earn.
It'll be fine if you don't get that injured knee checked out.
It'll be fine if you drill that oil well in the gulf.

One of the Eight Limbs of Yoga is Yama, or Universal Morality. One of the yamas is Satya, or truthfulness. Part of being truthful is making honest assessments of our decisions before we finalize them. This makes us more equipped to handle the outcome of our decisions head-on, rather than having to tell ourselves over and over again "it'll be fine."

I read about disastrous situations all the time, and I just can't help but wonder about the one or two people along the way who thought "It'll be fine," and contributed to the huge cover-page story I'm reading. I'm not advocating always fearing the worst or being overly cautious, but we have to own our part in things. Satya demands it.